Listening ears on: God told me to visit my ex in-laws.

Being human is hard. Add being a Christian and you have a whole list of rules and regulations you must follow in order to truly be a follower of Christ. Usually, especially now, doing the right thing and being sweet and kind has come easily. Even things that would trigger me, just goes over my head and I say a prayer in my mind, grin, and keep it moving. Last week however, I was thrown a curve ball that I really just wanted to dodge.

My ex told me that his parents were going to be cooking a big meal and asked if the kids and I would come over. Without hesitation, I said NO. I mean, why would I? Besides the fact that I’d have to drive over 45 minutes, I’d have to come in close contact with the family of the man I abruptly left in the middle of the night, with a week’s worth of clothing, and my kids. It wasn’t exactly a peaceful breakup and I found myself on the hated end of the stick. His father had a lot to say about me in the past and would quickly jump on social media in defense of his son, whenever I was the topic of a falsified rant.

I insisted that I had no business going there and I prayed to God that some crazy occurrence would happen so it would be set in stone that I couldn’t go. Be careful what you pray for because four days later a tropical storm came through AND a tornado happened 9 minutes away from us. We were obviously spared and I thought that was God’s answer to my prayers– no honestly! You want to know something? It wasn’t.

My ex told me he would be getting out of work early so he could take us if I didn’t feel like driving. I told him that was great because that meant he could take the kids and leave me out of the equation. He seemed hurt and told me not to be that way. They weren’t my family and I remember how dysfunctional it was when all of us lived together. I did not want to go so I purposely ignored all my ex’s text after that.

You know, God works in very BLUNT ways and as I headed to the bathroom I heard, “Go” in a vey soft voice. Now, don’t call the luny bin on me but I heard it clearly. I remember saying, “yeah right, God. You would never want me to go there.” I then saw a vision of me walking into their home and a voice said, “Go, so they can see all I’ve done for you. Go to be a light. ” Guys, I laughed so hard and said NO! Then I tried to convince myself that I was the one creating the instructions that I had but when I said the word “Go” in my mind it sounded different from what I first heard. This was not something I wanted to be obedient to. I didn’t want to feel uncomfortable and I didn’t want to break bread with my ex’s family.

When my ex arrived, I grabbed my purse and roughly told him to hurry up and let’s go. He was shocked but he got up from the chair quickly and we headed to me car. Once we were all buckled and ready to go, my ex thanked me for going. I heard a voice say, “I told you.” I rolled my eyes and replied ok God, of course in my head because I didn’t want to sound crazy. 😂

The drive down was actually enjoyable and I didn’t find myself ready to jump out the car or complain to the heavens. But when we got to his parents house I found myself feeling uncomfortable and nervous. My girls rushed inside and I bought myself time by getting my son out of his carseat. Surprisingly, I was greeted genuinely and asked if I wanted some food and my ex made me a plate. I can’t even lie, for a second I thought they were trying to poison me so I asked my kids if they wanted some food and when no one screamed out “No”, I knew that the food wasn’t unsafe to eat.

I stayed for maybe an hour and a half and I watched as my kids enthusiastically ran around and played with the side of their family they hadn’t seen for so long. I felt relieved. My kids were so happy and I felt good. I talked with everyone and at no point did I want to run for the door. When I left I almost felt sad. His dad thanked me for coming and said we could do something for Christmas if I had no plans.

Before last Sunday, I had so much anger towards my ex father in-law. I was upset because he knew what I went through with his son and he completely turned against me when I left. I was mad and hurt and really wanted nothing to do with him ever again. Visiting him was a healing moment for me. It thought me forgiveness in a way I did think I needed. There is so much truth in forgiveness being for you and not the other person. I was released from the grip of anger.

If there’s anyone you need to forgive, whether they said you an open invitation or not, forgive them. Listen to the voice inside that sounds crazy because it goes against every logical thing you believe in. I listened to God and went somewhere I DID NOT want to go and it ended up being a beautiful moment for me.

I hope you liked this post and as always Hugs and Love!

By Faith and not by sight

I remember growing up super poor. My mother always made our situation seem okay because she would say things like, “God will make a way. He’ll provide.” And though my younger self knew about God it was beyond my comprehension how God would provide us with food but he did. One Christmas we had no money for toys or food and my sisters and I had given up hope of having an enjoyable Christmas. I think I prayed and then figured God was too busy to help us. The day before Christmas, my mother’s carpentry teacher surprised us with a Christmas tree, toys and food. He met my mother through class maybe 3 months before. A class my mother was never suppose to take but choose because her first choice wasn’t starting yet. Coincidence, I think not.

I’m a mother now, and there are days I cry and wonder how am I going to get this or that done. Money and resources are tight! One thing that never is tight is my constant need to pray. I pray about everything from not having to use the bathroom at work for #2(seriously) to how I’m going to make an income from my talent. It’s not easy for me to pray sometimes. Not because I don’t want to but because it feels like, “hey, it’s me again.” It sometimes feels like I’m being a bother but what’s funny is whenever I think that, my prayers go unanswered. Then I think that it was because I was never meant to have whatever it is I prayed for.

Even though I seem to forget at times, the prayers that get answered aren’t the ones where I beg God for anything but when I tell him I truly believe he will answer my prayers and I thank him for it. And lets not forget when I demanded he give me a car and  God answered my prayers!

Through so many crazy situations that there was no way I could get through but with a miracle, I had to put my full trust in him and let him give me what he wanted for me. I needed a car and I thought I’d get a beat up one that had 3 more years left in it but I got a brand new one. I needed an apartment and I thought that me and my sister would get the $900 Because we couldn’t afford the one over $1000 but here were are living in an almost $1300 apartment that by only the grace of God we can pay every month. When I was okay with settling, God slapped my outreached hand and said, “that’s too small, I want to give you something bigger.” I can’t lie in the moments of not getting what I prayed for right away, I felt like a little girl again. It felt like the days where I was so hungry and didn’t think we’d eat for days but out of nowhere someone would give my mother money or food they didn’t need. I had to believe with all my heart that there was something more God wanted to give me and waiting would not last forever but he’d deliver his perfect gift right on time.

In this time where I wonder about money and pray to get to gain income from my writing, I know that I just have to wait a little longer. He wants something big for me that I can’t see yet. I trust and believe that with everything in me.

I pray that if you are thinking about something that makes you want to give up, just pray and wait. Every door that’s meant to be opened will open. God bless. And as always((HUGGS & LOVE))