Screw you breast cancer!

Cancer. What an awful little word. I hate it. When you refer to something as a cancer it is NEVER good. What’s worse than using the term to describe something negatively is using it to describe a loves ones current state.

It doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t care about the color of your skin, your age, not even your social status matters. Lately, so many celebrities have come out to say that they have cancer. You think, “Really? Her?” As if celebrities are supposed to be immune to illnesses like that. They aren’t. No one is.

I’ve haven’t had much family diagnosed with cancer but the ones that were, died. I had an aunt who had breast cancer. I’m not sure if I didn’t know the severity of it or I was hoping if I didn’t acknowledge it it would go away. I loved her, she was my aunt after all but I couldn’t, subconsciously, bring myself to accept her diagnosis. Ignoring something doesn’t make it go away.

I remember the last time I say her; it makes me cringe, I was such scum. She spotted me in a car outside a corner store and tapped on the car glass. She was pale, her skin much lighter than usual. She had a bandanna on her head, no sign of eyebrows. She looked sad. I didn’t get out the car. I didn’t even roll down the windows. I just waved to her and put my head back down. I didn’t realize it then but she felt bad. Her heartbroken face is forever burned into my memory.

My aunt died soon after that. She never got even a 2minute visit from me. I suffered from extreme guilt. Oh, how I wish I had given her a hug and told her I loved her. I didn’t and for that I beat myself up. I was then, and still am, ashamed. Out out guilt and fear I didn’t attend her funeral. I didn’t want to see how she looked dead. I wanted to remember her how she was. My always smiling and laughing aunt, who made me feel so loved and wanted.

When I was sick as a young child she was there. Where was I when she needed me? I was avoiding her at all cost because cancer, I wanted to believe, would go away if you paid it no mind. She would never die…no! Not her! But she did…she did die. Cancer took her from this earth. I ask myself now, “why was I so selfish?” She was the one going through something so horrible and I was worried about myself and how her sickness would affect my ability to function.

I live with regret. When I think of her I want to break down. I feel sick to my stomach. I was so afraid of what cancer was doing to her I didn’t realize what it did to me. It made me heartless. Now I know better but it’s too late for me to apologize to my aunt but it might not be too late for someone out there. Cancer scares us all. Some people handle the diagnosis better than others. Please don’t be like me…running scared.

Breast cancer awareness month is a time to recognize the strong women who fought and are still fighting the battle. We must forget about ourselves and be strong for the women in our lives who face this everyday. And for those of you that fight the good fight, I’m proud of you. You inspire me to find courage when all hope seems lost. In moments where even your faith will be tested, you stand firm.

I know that I will never get back my time with my aunt but I hope I can make a difference somehow. This is a very sensitive topic for me and it gives me great pain to even talk about but I need to. I can’t pretend that I don’t struggle with the lost of my aunt and the part I didn’t play in her last days. I hope that this will speak to someone who might feel the same way I once did and help them.

Like always guys ((HUGGS AND LOVE))

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Things my kids cry about that signify the end of the world!

It’s obvious that kids are going to cry. They’re little and depend on us for everything they need, so in a moment of frustration or desperation they let out a some tears to let us know something is wrong. Not everything, however, is a cry alerting us to an injury, or hunger, or sleep deprivation. Oh no! Some things they cry about are so much more, to them, earth shattering.

I’ve created a list of some of the things my little ones cry about that have left me scratching my head and saying, “Huh?”

1. A bent lollipop stick- My eldest’s first official “life’s not fair” meltdown was over a bent lollipop stick. It took me at least three times taking it from her to realize what the problem was.

2. Broken piece of potato- Again my oldest wins this one. She was eating potato when one tiny piece broke off . She insisted that I put the potato back together. I’m glad a one and a half year old had so much faith in my capabilities. I couldn’t put it back together.

3. Changing cat litter- My youngest completely wigged out at the site of me throwing away old kitty litter. She said, “Don’t do that, mami!” She told me it was for the cat and that I needed to leave the bathroom.

4. Wanting me to open a book- I recently bought a book about Noah’s art. I got the super hard cover because my kids like to rip pages. My youngest not knowing what page the picture of the monkeys is on, will cry for me to open the page for her.

5. Broken soap- My oldest, yet again, was hopping mad the other day. The soap had broken in half and she asked me to “put it” back together. As any reasonable person would, I smashed the pieces together and made a ball. She was not having it and cried until I made it as close to the normal shape as possible.

6. Rice underneath feet- My oldest has always hated anything irritating the bottom of her feet– dirt, sand, little pebbles. My youngest never cared about that stuff, until now. One night, after messy eating, my youngest stepped on some rice. She lost it and referred to it as poop.

These are just a sprinkle of what they’re gotten upset over. I know, as a parent, I’m not alone in this! I’ve read some hilarious stories of other parents’ struggles. At least we’ll have interesting things to tell our kids when they’re older.

As always, thanks for reading! ((Hugs & Love))

Daily Prompt: Priceless

via Daily Prompt: Priceless

Some things are worth nothing, some things have significant monetary value, and some things are completely priceless. Sometimes, we focus so much on things that we can buy and show off, but what are they really worth? What do they say about us as people? That we have a good life, are good people, or we’ll be happy forever? Things are just that…things.

We value material things with high reguard and if we lost them, we’d go out of our minds. I’ll tell you what is priceless–Family, friends, love. Those are things we can’t buy or replace. If we lost any of them, we could lose ourselves. There is no amount of money in this world that could amount to what they mean to us, yet on a daily basis we don’t recognize their worth. How many of us haven’t called a family member in a while because we’re too busy? Have you stopped hanging out with a really close friend because the have a new baby? How many times have you treated a person, that has only ever shown you love, badly?

They say you never know what you have until it’s gone. Why do we neglect the very foundation of our existence? I am definitely guilty of taking loved ones for granted. I couldn’t give you a proper answer if you asked me why. I make up excuse after excuse, sometimes to get out of family get-togethers.

If the few days have taught me anything, it’s to appreciate the ones I care about and to value their love. So many people in Texas have lost an outstanding amount of their possessions but they’re grateful to have family at their sides. Some people were helped by pure acts of kindness and love from complete strangers. That’s priceless!

Lets not allow disasters and tragedy to remind us of what really matters, of what is really valuable. Tell the people you care about how much you love them and how much they mean to you. Never get sick of expressing your love to them because one day you might not be able to.

As always guys, thanks for reading. ((HUGS & LOVE))

How to revive household batteries.

For the past week my Tv remote had been completely useless to me. I kept forgetting to buy new batteries and it had become extremely boring having to watch only DVDs. I thought that there was absolutely no reason to keep the batteries in the remote and waa going to throw them out.

Today, I decided to search “how to get a battery to work again.” It was worth a shot and I had nothing to lose. I stumbled upon a great post. It said to rub the ends of the batteries with a rough material like jeans and also to use a pencil eraser and rub whatever the batteries were going to connect to.

So, I tried it. I rubbed the ends of the batteries with my comforter and wiped the contacts with a towel. I tried the remote but it didn’t work. I decided to give it another try. This time I rubbed the ends vigorously for 20 seconds each and I didn’t rub the contacts. And it worked!!! That was about five hours ago and the remote is still working. It’s working better than it had been working for the past month and a half. I feel so accomplished over something so simple.

I hope if you ever find yourself with dead batteries and no new ones handy that this works for you! Thanks for reading Loves!!!

 

The “R” word

I don’t know what you might be think the “R” stands for. Rights? Romance? Nope, RACE. Nowadays, it seems like race is a dirty little word that no one wants to say for the fear of being judged. It has become a topic that people cringe at because, automatically, they think it’s going to end in picking a side. That is the sad world we live it my friends. A person can’t say black, or white, or any other race outside their own because they’ll get fiery looks and probably stopped before they really begin talking.

I for one don’t have a problem talking about race. In actuality, I see only one race…the human race. As corny or lame as it sounds, we are all human and should be judged based on our character and not our race. I also don’t think that race should be used as a way to judge a person’s character. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone from the same group of people are the same. *Gasp* There’s a shocker! I mean look at your immediate family. Are you all cookie cutter? I doubt it. I’m not even exactly like my twin.

Sometimes, I wish race didn’t exist. Not the human race itself but the “what are you race.” You know the one they make you check off for a job or some formal exam. I’m black but I ‘m also hispanic. I check off hispanic on everything unless I don’t feel like being judged by my ethnicity(even though they claim you don’t.) The black community is not fond of my decision to list myself as hispanic because I’m supposedly neglecting my true self. But I’m not going to check “African American/Black (Non-hispanic)” That too, in my eyes, is neglecting my true self. I’ll check my hispanic box and if you give me an interview or see me face to face you’ll see I’m a black woman. Anyone with some sense would know that hispanic, in itself, is not a race. There can be people that look like Hillary Clinton all the way to people that look like the singer Seal. There’s no RIGHT look. It is very annoying feeling like I have to choose. You have to be one or the other because that way it’s easier for us to be put in a box. That’s why I sometimes wish we all looked exactly alike from head to toe so the madness wouldn’t exist but then I think of all the beautiful people and rich culture this world has, and know that would be a horrid thing.

Why can’t we all just be excepted for who we are as people. I was lucky enough to be raised by a mother who didn’t see race. My mother is black and my father was a hispanic man that looked like a dark skinned Native American, flowing long hair and all. My mother had a best friend growing up who is Arab. She gets upset whenever people talk crap about Arabs because to this day she has a bond with her friend and her friend’s family. My mother’s mother was also very excepting of other races. I made the mistake once of telling my mother that I didn’t really like people from the Dominican Republic. She quickly put me in my place. Besides the fact that her boyfriend was from there and my little brother were technically half Dominican, I wasn’t raised to say such stupid things…to think so stupidly. I couldn’t be racist even if I wanted to. My mother would probably snatch my soul from my body if I ever told her I hated an entire race of people.

I don’t know how people do it. How can you hate a group of people based on skin color. For whatever reason, people think that racism is reserved for whites only. As if there’s segregation in racism. Like only whites can be racist. Far from it. But you see people use the past to justify their racism like, “well we were oppressed, so in reality, we can’t be racist.” Oh, yes you can sweetie! Denial is a terrible thing, especially when it comes from an ignorant person. Yes, there was unbelievable cruelty done to people based on race but that doesn’t give us the right to spew hate, because it would just make us as bad.

Nothing justifies hatred of a person for basically no reason. If all you have to go on is race or skin color in order to like someone , then you’re crazy. I find it beautiful and intriguing that we have such a diverse human race. I think it’s sad that someone could deny themselves the ability to appreciate that. How, in this day and age, can people be so ridiculous? Is it based off of fear? Hatred that was passed down? Plain and simple ignorance!? Whatever it is, I pity people like that.

Don’t ever let someone’s race determine how you value them…how you see them. We are one. Despite our physical traits, we are family. I can only hope that my daughters won’t grow up in a world that will continue to separate us based on something so trivial. My wish for them is that one day, race won’t be a factor as much as it is now. I understand more now, after having children, why Martin Luther King JR wanted so bad for equality. It’s one thing when you as a parent might deal with racism but you pray that your kids won’t have to go through it. We should love each other and respect each other no matter what!

This post is not to condemn anyone or to offend but to open a line of communication about race as it relates to equality and love. As always, ((Hugs and Love))

I need to write more!

Lately, my brain has been working really hard at not working at all. My desire to do things become squashed by my overactive imagination. I like to write…No, I LOVE to write. That’s why it’s  funny and even strange that I haven’t been writing as much as I use too. I’ve slacked off quite a bit. Okay, a lot.

I don’t know what the heck is wrong with me. I don’t lack ideas, I simply lack will. In January, I wrote my first full book. I’ve been writing books for years but never finished them. I finish them in my head and then don’t want to bother myself with writing it on paper. It feels like I’ve watched a movie then have to watch it again but this time take notes. Anyway, I wrote the book in a week’s time. Whenever my girls napped, I wrote. Sometimes I’d stay up until three in the morning writing. That’s why now I don’t know what’s different. I can’t even write for an hour.

I haven’t even been blogging! My blog is dear to me and it has  given me so much joy but I do find it has taken a backseat to my uninteresting life. I have more time now to write and yet it seems like I have none at all. I begin to write then abandon the entire thing. Once again, not for lack of ideas but lack of will and desire.

I need to get back into the groove of things. Rebuild my romance with writing. I need to express myself and open myself up to feelings outside of my everyday routine of emotions. I guess it’s a reflection of my personal life. I am stressed  and it is depressing. Not like “I need meds depressing” but more of a “cut my a break, life is touch!” I can’t continue like this. I can’t just not write because my life’s a mess. Heck, that’s the best time to write.

I miss it all very much. It’s like a friend you haven’t seen in years but when you meet up, nothing’s changed. As I write, I feel so empowered. It’s amazing what a little self expression can do. Giving up something you love doing is a BIG mistake! You can go a little bonkers. I think that’s why I was in a slump. I didn’t write for a while so I didn’t want to start writing again because I was feeling down but maybe I was feeling down because I wasn’t writing. Make sense?

I needed to get that off my chest. As I write this my daughters are sleeping on my chest. Lol. Just like old times. It feels completely natural to be up late, pouring my heart out as my daughters sleep. It’s 12 am now so I think I’ll join them.

Thanks for reading ((Hugs and Love))

Last Minute Mother’s Day Gift Ideas

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Mother’s day is right around and it can be very stressful shopping for moms. I am one of those hard moms to shop for. Ask me what I want and my answer every time is “I don’t know.” I honestly don’t have a list of things that I want. My wants have all been related to meeting my girls needs. Corny? Don’t judge me! LOl, I have created this post with some ideas that might help some poor folk having a hard time finding a good gift. Okay, okay…maybe these are items that I like! Lol

imageI’m A Mom, What’s Your Superpower Mug, 12oz

I actually bought this for my mom two years ago. It was different colors but I do like this cups look because it reminds me of Wonder Woman. Wonder Mom to the rescue! Haha!!

imageRainbow-Swirl Roses with Vase

I know some women get sick of flowers but I NEVER do. I love love….*singing* LOOOOVE, this bouquet!!! The rainbow colors signify hope for me and I think this would be a really sweet and adorable flower bouquet to give your favorite mom…or moms.

imageMothers Day Spa Gift Basket

Yes, Yes, and Yes to Spa baskets!!! I don’t know about other moms with small kids but even my bath time has an audience. I’d love to get a moment to relax in the tub and be laced with wonderful scents during and after my bath!

imageMothers Day Spring Celebration Gift Tower

Snacks! Snacks! Snacks! Snacks! Snacks! Lol. I love sweets and this gift tower is such an adorable way to deliver some yummy treats. I love to recycle and I’d reuse those boxes so this would be a gift I’d give to a creative mommy…who happens to have a sweet tooth. Haha!

imageWomen’s Tired as Mother Shirt

For some reason I song the words on this shirt. I find shirts like these hilarious and a great gift for a silly momma.

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Personalized Family Tree Necklace Birthstone Pendant- Necklace – Custom Made with Any Names

I think jewlry is a typical gift for a woman but something that is personalized gives a a deeper meaning . This is something I ‘d get my mother or want someone to get me. *Smiley Face*

These were just some ideas for you last minute shoppers out there. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Of course there’s different variations to all of these. All of these links go to Amazon’s website incase you liked anything and want to get it. Like I said in a previous post, I got Amazon Prime two Mother’s Day ago because I hadn’t gotten my mother anything and mother’s day was just a few days away. The free two day shipping got me. I did the free trail and then bought the membership after my 30 days were up. Do remember if the products DON’T have the blue “Prime” name under it, it’s not part of Amazon Prime. Try Amazon Prime 30-Day Free Trial

Thank you guys for reading.

((Hugs and Love))

My creativity is dying to come out again!

Painting I made last month

One thing I had before becoming a mother was my creativity. I would sketch, doodle, sew, all the time. I remember drawing all over my copybooks in class without even realizing it. Art was my first love. I was always able to express myself through it. I never really got over that love and now that I have babies it’s been calling me up more!

It’s not like I completely left my creativity behind but it has taken a backseat to my kids. I yearn for it but most of the time having to take care of a newly 2year-old and 1year-old has taken center stage. I’ve missed sewing, painting, drawing, and writing so much. I get to squeeze in some writing every so often but the deep concentration I need for it only comes at nap time. I have painted within the last month but it’s still not enough. I haven’t sewn anything since my little sister’s prom dress…LAST YEAR!

It’s tough when your head is full of ideas but you just don’t have the will nor enthusiasm to create like you use to. My girls have this thing were they’ll play with no regard for me UNTIL I began to write, or paint. I’m sure there’s a radar somewhere in their body that alerts them. Lol! I feel bad if I don’t show them the attention. I don’t want to to feel like “oh, mommies busy. She’ll just ignore us.” No way! I love when they well…she me love. Sometimes they act like I’m bothering them so when they want to play with me I’m all for it. I have teenagers in babies’ bodies. Haha!

Another Painting I made last month

I see my girls face light up when I bring out the paint and brushes. I haven’t let them paint anything recently; however, my oldest took it upon her to hijack my baby blue paint and open it so she and her little sister could hand paint the coffee table. Fun times. In the, literally, 15 seconds from her taking the paint to me turning around 1/3 of the table was blue! I sense a bit of creativity in them too. Oh, all kids that get their hands on paint smear it around and make a mess? I don’t think so buddy my kids were creating art! Lol…I kid…I kid. Seriously though, I do want to find a way to help them explore their creativity while I explore mine.

I made this last Thursday for my friends mom.

I’m not trying to say being a mommy stopped me from being creative. I stopped myself. Not because I had to but because I wanted to. I love to create things but what I’ve been more interested in creating is memories with my kids. Yes! I know, I’m corny as heck. That’s all honesty though. I am getting back in the groove of things. Slowly, my creativity is being released. Hopefully I can do a whole lot more in the coming months.

Still working on this painting

((Hugs and Love))

How to get free stuff for your home!

Being an adult is hard–being a parent is harder. Sometimes no matter how much we prepare for life, something unexpected happens. Money? Oh, boy! Money seems to leave your hands as quick as it reaches it.

I just recently moved into a new apartment. Unfortunately, do to certain circumstances, I wasn’t able to buy living room or dining room furniture. Luckly, my girls are good and taken care of…THANK GOD.

So I thought to myself how am I going to get furniture when I have no money to do it? I considered buying used stuff from people online but even that was too much. So many people want to charged the same price they bought their furniture for. If that’s the case, you’re better off buying straight from the store!

I wondered if anyone was giving stuff away for free. Then it hit me. Craig’s List! For any of you that don’t know or never needed to know, Craig’s List has a section where people just give away free stuff. Some are all banged up and others are in wonderful condition. I got my sofa, couch, and ottoman set FREE a week ago. The set is one-year-old and the man that gave it to me also gave me a 1-year-old Ikea queen bed frame that he never used. He was upgrading his furniture so he just wanted to give away the old stuff. He definitely wasn’t in need of the extra cash he would make if he sold them.

As much people want to sell their things for some money, there is equally the same amount of people that just want to get rid of stuff and don’t care amount making money. They were going to throw it away but didn’t want it in a landfil or didn’t want to do the heavy lifting and take it out their home. They get people like me, who might really need it, to take it for  nothing but the satisfaction of it going to a good home and them not having to break their backs to get it out the house.

Now, if you’re in a pinch, short on cash, or plain out broke, head over to your favorite search engine and type in craig’s list free stuff (insert city name.)  You should be able to find things from free plants to full bathroom vanity and sinks! Sometimes things are at curb side, so you won’t need to enter anyones home or even meet anyone.  They put up the adress or location of the items and you just swing by and take them. Easy, right? Also, people list stuff for $0 on Offer up. Sometimes it says 0 because the person wants you to make an offer so make sure it says FREE in the description. When you put in what you’re looking for make sure you set your max price at 0.

Just remember BE SAFE. Don’t enter anyone’s house if you don’t have to. Make sure you go with a friend or at the least tell people where you are going to meet up with someone.

I hope this helps someone out there who might need some help getting things for their home. Thanks to generous people, I was able to get chairs to sit on in my living room! Letting you guys know about what helped me out is my way of giving back. If you don’t need this, share the information on so that the right people will know about this. Don’t be ashamed to say you need a little extra help because there’re amazing people out there that go out of their way to assist others in such times. God bless! As always ((HUGS & LOVE))

“What’s the hardest part of being a mom?”

‘Couple days ago, my friend asked me “What’s the hardest thing about being a mom?” She’s 21 with no kids but dreams of having some one day. My answer wasn’t what she expected. I said, “The hardest part is worrying…worrying about if they’re safe, about CREEPERS. I worry all the time!” She continued, “Worrying? Is it like when you’re apart?” I told her that me and the girls are 99.9% of the time never apart. I worry in general.

I think everyone expects a mother’s response to a question like that to be something like, “The late nights and crying duet is the hardest part.” I know some women complain of no social life. Sorry, not sorry…I’m not concerned about a social life, my girls are more important than drinks at some club– I don’t even drink. I don’t need a “break” from my mothering duties. I don’t mind late nights because one day I’ll long for them. I don’t mind them crying over me giving them juice instead of milk because I’m not ready for them to be crying over a boy.

My daughters are my world…my life. They’ve given me so much more purpose. I want to give them everything they deserve, and that includes thinking about them now and forever. I don’t just worry about their safety– I worry about the people they’ll become…the impact they’ll have on the world. I know, wondering if my 1year-olds will end world hunger and create peace among all nations is a bit much. I actually care about the type of humans that leave my home.

I worry a whole lot! It keeps me up at night sometimes. Tonight as I gave my girls a bath and watched them splash and kick their feet trying to make bubbles,  I worried. I worried that one day something as simple as a bath won’t make their day. I worried that life won’t bring them bath-time-like-joy. Even in such a precious moment, where my kids were having the time of their lives, I worried. I couldn’t help it.

I have fears beyond my control. My mother was a worrier too. She saved us from potential sexual abuse…abuse that was happening to classmates who begged my to sleep over. My mother never let me and my siblings sleep over to just anyone’s house. In my entire youth I’ve only ever slept by three homes: My grandparents’, my cousin’s(my age), and my mother female friend who had four kids of her own(about 2-3 times that my mother wasn’t present.) I thought she was controlling and killing my childhood but her worrying saved me. Her worrying stopped me from having sex at a young age and being a teen mom like her. Her worrying stop me from running the streets like the other girls, my age, living in the same projects I did. I wondered why she worried to such an extent but then I became a mom and I’m far more paranoid than she ever was. Lol!

Worrying is the hardest part of being a mother. It’s not money, it’s not the crying, it’s not even the tantrums thrown in public. I don’t know what other mothers might say but that’s how I feel. It’s not going to change no matter how old they become either. Like always guys ((Hugs & Love))