What if Love was truly contagious

Right before the year ended, my boyfriend’s father, stepmom, and little came to stay with us. It was a full house to say the least. For the most part we were cooped up in the house because there was no going anywhere with 4 adults( 1 being very pregnant), 2 toddlers, and a nine year old in a regular ole’ SUV. The weather was a hot mess. If you know anything about Florida you know the weather, especially during winter time, is bipolar. Now, we did get to go out at one point thanks to a rental. That’s how I got sick. I was the first to go down. Everyone else followed, leaving only my two-year-old miraculously healthy. In my misery, I couldn’t help but think how awful it was that a cold could be passed on so easily. Then I thought, wouldn’t it be so wonderful if love was passed on like that?

Some people say love, happiness, and joy are contagious but to me it really only is if  you have the heart for it. Unlike the cold, which doesn’t discriminate, love can’t break down some people’s immune system. Imagine if a warm and loving person touched a doorknob and then some mean, maybe even evil, person touched it right after. He or she doesn’t wash their hands and randomly rubs a finger across their  lips. WHAM! Love enters just like that. Or maybe someone bursting with a loving heart coughs and everyone who happens to be nearby is immediately infected. Wouldn’t that be cool? Instead of all these stinking illnesses being spread, love could get passed on in this way.

I’m a person who is big on love. It’s the best feeling in the world and I value it so much. I’ve always been like that but when I was younger I simultaneously was a very angry person. Ontop of being anger I was also extremely protective and easily bothered. I wasn’t afraid to get into physical fights or confront people. A lot of the problems I got into were mostly me defending family or a friend and the rest was me overreacting about a look someone gave me or me thinking someone said something rude about me.

I remeber being so bothered by people with bad attitudes. It would literally ruin my entire day if I came across someone with a bad attitude. I would be pissed leaving their presence. It was like they infected me with their hate and misery. I always felt like anger was something easier to “catch” than happiness. Sure good deeds go a long way but a batch of anger people go the distance.

I had to learn to ignore and realize that whatever made people so upset, had nothing to do with me. That’s when I decided that I should spread happiness to the best of my ability. If it worked it worked. If it didn’t, at least I tried.

Nothing was a better eye opener than a day I went to Mcdonalds to get some food.  The line was long and the amount of people waiting for their food was alarming to a very hungry me. I got in line  anyway. Only four workers were there that day. One cashier, two cooks, and one person getting the orders together. The other customers huffed and puffed. Even though they knew the line was long and the workers were short staffed they refused leave and continued groaning. For a split second I almost found myself complaining too. I almost let everyone else’s negativity affect my mood.

When it was my turn to order, the look on the cashier’s face said it all. She had no smile, looked tired and worn out. I looked at her with a big grin and asked her how she was doing. She was shooked but she smiled back and said she was doing good. She asked me how I was. With a bubbly voice I told her I was doing fine as well. Matching my tone, she asked what I would like. After I ordered I told her thank you very much and I hope she has a nice day. Now, her smile stayed when she attended the customer after me and I was extremely happy to see that customer be friendly and respectful to her also. And there it was, I had spread happiness just like that. I chose to look positively at a situation and realize how much I could affect those around me.

Unfortunately, you can’t catch love the way you catch a cold but you can spread it around in hopes that others will respond well to it. And whenever you find yourself in a situation where you’re surrounded by  the grinches, stand firm in your happy thoughts and share a little bit of it.

Like always guys ((HUGGS AND LOVE))

Why are we more focused on gender rules rather than gender roles?

Before I start, let me first say that my goal is not to offend anyone. Now, let me say this as well, I don’t care if I do. We live in a society where people tend to tiptoe around what they really want to say, not because it’s truly disrespectful but because someone, somewhere will take offense to it. I know in this day and age people everywhere are fighting over gender rules. Parents want their sons to be able to wear dresses without any kind of judgement. PERSONALLY, if my son said he wanted a dress, I’d tell him no. Call me a bad mom. Say I’m dimming my child’s light. I could careless. Children want what they see without any thought to it. I don’t think it’ll determine their sexual orientation later on. However, I’m not about to listen to someone whose best decision is having candy for breakfast. Down the road, when my kids aren’t impulsive and irrational, I’ll take things like that seriously.

The point of this post isn’t about letting kids where whatever they want is good or bad. My actual concern is how these kids grow up to view their place in the world as men and women. Whither you’re straight, gay, trans, there is a certain role people expect you to play. Growing up boys were expected to be rough and tough and girls were expected to be delicate and sweet. If a boy cried, even if he was hurt, he was seen as weak. If a girl stood up for herself and gave her opinion, she was seen as rude or a trouble maker. Boys couldn’t have a soft side and girls couldn’t be strong.

If you go to the toys section of any store, you’ll see how the world has already decided who men and women should grow up to be. The girl’s toy section is filled with baby dolls, brooms, and shopping carts. A girl is meant to grow up to be a house wife. Sure there’s doctor toys and some expensive sports cars thrown in the mix but that’s not the main focus. The boy’s section is filled with racecars, army men, guns and any “beat my chest, I’m a man” type of toy you could think of.

I always wondered why parents lost their minds whenever their son touched a doll or yanked a toy car away from their daughters. “That’s for boys.” “That’s for girls.” Some parents would go on to say, “Are you gay? Leave that alone!” Girls tend to get a less aggressive response when they play with boys toys. Either way, I don’t see how a bloody toy could indicate a child’s sexual orientation. Let’s face it. That’s exactly why some parents react the way the do.

Boys are told to leave the baby(doll) alone, they don’t belong in a kitchen, and chores, like washing dishes, is a girl’s job. And when men grow up and leave the child raising and housework to women, it’s somehow a surprise. It’s been drilled into their heads that anything that doesn’t dirty their hands should be left for women. And when a man is a stay-at-home-father he is judged harshly and seen as a disappointment because he isn’t the breadwinner. WHY? It baffles me!

I always think about my little brothers when it comes to this topic. They are two rough and tumble kids. They hate dolls and say it’s too girlie. One day, my sister had bought barbie like dolls for the little girl I was taking care of. She was 5 and my brothers were 6 and 9 at the time. She had no one to play with so she asked them to play with her. They barely hesitated to. They even did character voices. Granted after she got up they started sword fighting with the dolls but for that moment those little boys wanted to make her happy despite their own personal feelings. They are still pretty boyish to this day. And their actions then and many times after that, showed me that they’ll be great fathers. I’m not saying go out and buy your sons dolls but understand that what  you put in their head as young kids will affect how they view their role in society.

Now, as for girls, we’re meant to be clean and pretty. We must bite our tongue and go along with whatever we’re told. Climbing trees and playing in dirt is a horrible way for us to spend an afternoon. Things like repairing cars and building aren’t what we should be interested in. In fact, at a certain age we are “trained” to be able to take care of a household. That’s the role women were meant to play. Mommy and wife. We must live in the kitchen and vacation in the laundry room. We must raise perfect children and keep our husbands happy. These stupid generic rules that have been placed on us. God forbid a woman is the boss of several man, some of them might lose their minds because they might have been brought up believing that is not her place.

You see, I could really care less about the “how to dress your child” debate. I have two daughters and my first son is due in a month. I don’t want my son to cruise through life thinking his sisters are his maids. I equally don’t want my daughters to feel intimidated by a male dominated workforce. This “war” on who our kids should be is superficial. I think so, at least when it comes to what I see on social media everyday. Okay, your son or daughter is happy wearing clothes of the opposite sex. WHAT NOW? What do you teach them now? What role will they play once they grow up? It goes far beyond clothing. It’s about having sons that embrace emotions instead of keeping them inside for fear of being labeled a wimp. It’s about raising strong daughters who don’t take crap from anyone and believe anything is achievable. It’s about men who won’t hesitate to wash a freaking dish and women who can fix a car just as good as any guy.

Do you understand what I’m trying to say? These ideas that we are suppose to be robots going down a conveyor belt in the same path as everyone else is stupid! We shouldn’t have cookie cutter lives. We shouldn’t have these dumb set regulations on what a man and woman should do. Obviously, there are some differences but the differences that are used to distinguish us most of the time doesn’t make any sense. All that old fashion crap should go out the window. Men and women should be seen as a team, sure, but they both should  be able to survive without the other. Example, a single man should know how to cook and clean and a woman should be able to use a drill and put up her own furniture without someone saying, “That’s why you need a man/woman so they can do that for you.” I don’t get all the gender restrictions when it comes to that stuff.

Leave me some comments about how gender roles were presented to you growing up and how you view them now. If you have kids please share if you have set roles specific to the gender of your kids. And remember this is not a post about clothing choice. I want to read what you think about the way society has segregated what is socially acceptable for men and women to do.

Like always ((HUGS & LOVE))

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My “Me too” Story

This story might be a bit much or some readers, discretion is advised.

 

I want to be completely honest and extremely transparent with you all. Everything I’m about to say in the post is true and it happened to me almost nine years ago. I was 17 and just a few months shy of high school graduation. At this time in my life, I was a “YES” girl. I never wanted to seem rude or hurt anyone’s feelings. I had a very hard time saying NO, even to complete strangers. My mother raised me to be very respectful. Despite my anger issues back then, I was a very polite child.

I had only ever kissed one boy and it was ONE time, about two months prior to this indecent.  I never had a boyfriend and never did anything sexual before. Kissing was as far as I had gotten and wanted to get, at that point in my life.

It was May 4th, 2009. I spent all day shopping and hanging out with my cousin, who was the same age as I was. We were preparing for prom and graduation. Neither of us had a car, so our only means of transportation were taxis. The taxis back home are different from the ones in the states. They are 15 passenger buses, cost $2.50, and only drive on the main road. They usually stop running around 6 pm, 6:30 pm. My cousin lost track of time and we ended up going to the bus stop after 6. She lived on the other side of the island and though that might not seem like much, for a place only 22 miles long, being 17  with no way home is not ideal.

On our way to the bus stop, a guy in a silver car motioned me over. Now, this is where my “YES” girl mentally screwed me. I didn’t want to go but I didn’t want to be rude. He said his hello told me his name was Alfredo or Alfred for short and asked me my name. In about 5-7 minutes, we talked about what school I went to, my future plans, and exchanged phone numbers. Once again, I didn’t want to do any of this but I was too damn nice for my own good. To get away, I told him my cousin really needed to catch a taxi so she could get home and I had to go.

Of course, my cousin asked me 21 questions about this guy. I told her everything we had talked about, in that short time span, as we waited on the bus. As time went by there was no sign of any taxis. I told me cousin that I’d call my other cousin in hopes that he’d be able to take her home but she declined. That’s when Alfred called and everything went straight to the crapper. I didn’t want to answer but my cousin insisted I did.

“Hello?” I said

“Yeah, where are you?” He questioned.

“Still at the bus stop.”

“You coming?”

“Huh?” I was puzzled.

“I’ll carry her home. Are you coming?”

I moved the phone away from my ear and told my cousin what he said. She eagerly accepted the ride. My stomach was in knots. I never planned on getting into that car. I thought to myself, If I don’t go, he might hurt her and it would be my fault. It hadn’t hit me that I was the one he really wanted and I’d have to take the ride back ALONE with him.

He made it to the bus stop in no time. It was almost like he never left the area where I first saw him and was lurking around stalking us. I got in the front seat and my cousin hopped in the back. When I attempted to close the door, some weird creature stung my finger. First damn sign that entering that car was a bad idea.  Once we were on our way, this man couldn’t stop talking. Yes, MAN! He told us that he was 26 years old. Mind you, he knew our age before we ever got in his car.

For the most part, he kept everything Pg13 while my cousin was in the car. Once she left, I realized what a terrible choice I had made. It finally hit me that I had to take this 25 minute drive alone with some strange man because I didn’t want him to try anything with my cousin. He went from telling me he was a drug dealer to saying he had a gun in his trunk just in case he needed to protect himself because he lived a dangerous life. He went on to ask me if I knew certain girls who went to my school and told me explicit stories about his relations with them. All this girls where younger than I was by about TWO years.

Needless to say, I was very uncomfortable. And when I was just 5 minutes away from home, he asked me if I’d mind if he stopped by his house for something. Like a fool, I said okay. Now, I’m thinking his house was on the way to mine. NOPE! Instead of making a left he drove straight ahead onto a back road, a road I had never taken before. What I didn’t know was that road bypassed my home and if he had gone the normal way he would’ve had to drop me home and drive about 10 minutes to his house. He knew exactly what he was doing.

When we got to his house, he proceeded to recline his chair back. He told me he wanted me to preform oral on him. JUST LIKE THAT! I was horrified and refused. I told him to take me home but he said he would once I did what he asked. He begged and begged. The he got close to me and started to rub my stomach, saying he could imagine putting something in there. Then he began to touch my breast. I was wearing a strapless top and prayed that he wouldn’t take it down. I remember thinking that I had only kissed one person and knew nothing about nothing, now I was alone with someone who was probably planning to force themselves on me.

You know the saying, “Flight or fight?”. I did neither. I froze up like water in the freezer. I was numb. My mind went to a whole other place. Finally, he said he needed to give something to his brother. When his brother opened the door, all I could see was this giant person in the shadows. Alfred was scrawny but his brother was humongous. When they both turned around to look at the car, I wanted to cry. I knew for sure that they would attack me…together. I wanted to run but I couldn’t move. I was frozen with fear. I didn’t know where I was. My cousin called to make sure I was okay because it had been over an hour since we left her house. My phone died in the middle of our conversation. Bad sign…disastrous sign!!

After a few minutes of talking, his brother went back inside and closed the door. Alfred came back inside the car with a big smile on his face and continued trying to pressure me. My mind would start to say, Well, if you just… I rejected the thought of giving in to that perv. I wasn’t about to do it willingly. I told him to take me home. He again said no and that he was taking me somewhere else instead. I started to recognized the area and knew that I was far enough from home that walking would probably take me two hours. He stopped somewhere I had never been. It was on a dirt road surrounded by dead trees. No one would hear me if I screamed. No one one would find my body if he killed me. At that point, I had it in my head that he’d have to kill me before I did anything with him. I even saw my obituary when my life flashed before my eyes. I was scared but came to terms with what might happen next.

He took out his phone and told me even if I tried to call for help, I wouldn’t be able to because there was no reception in that area.

“No service!” He said, as he shoved his phone in my face. He followed it with the most annoying laugh I ever heard. “Haaaaaaaaaaaa! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” He was taunting me.

I stilled refused, then he asked if I wanted to go to a beach called Lagoon. He claimed he wanted to make me comfortable enough to give him what he wanted. Lagoon was about a 30 minute walk to my house, so I agreed. Before I knew what was going on he park the car in a little ditch and told me we weren’t going to Lagoon. He then asked if I thought he was stupid and I only agreed to go because I could walk home from there. He then laughed in my face…again.

At first I wanted to cry then I got pissed. I thought about my father, for whatever reason, and it give me strength. I was so upset. I wanted to hit him, fight him. Wring his skinny little neck until he passed out. I was tired of being afraid, of being mocked. I didn’t care that he could really have a gun in his trunk. I was going to do whatever I had to do if he wasn’t going to let me go. So, I went off on him. I flipped out. He laughed at me again but it was a different type of laugh that time. He said he’d take me home and started up the car again. Of course he didn’t take me home. He said he needed something from his house and when I realized he was going up the hill to his place, I opened up the door to jump out. It made him yell out, “Okay. Okay. I’ll take you home.” He still went up the hill to his house but to turn around.

He asked me where I lived and made sure to drop me a 3-5 minute walk away from my house. He told me I had better delete his number because he deleted mine. He shoved the phone in my face. The list of names started with “Di” but my name starts with a “De” so I knew he didn’t delete it. At that point I didn’t care, I was just happy to get the hell out of that car. I made sure he or anyone else wasn’t following me and walked home.

He kept me hostage for four hours. I got home after 11 pm. My usually paranoid mother never asked me where I was. When I told my sister what happened she was horrified and was glad I made it out alive. I put my phone to charge and immediately put Alfred’s number on the reject list. I called my cousin once my phone had enough battery life and the amount of guilty she felt was obvious. Think it crazy, but I rather that had happened to me than her. I don’t know if she would have had the will to refuse that guy. I don’t know if fear would have made her do something that would have scared her for life.

I never saw him again but he did call me a couple of times months later. I had given my sister my phone and got another one. She deleted all my contacts so naturally, his number was no longer blocked. She actually talked to him for a bit and was going to ask me if it was okay to give him my number. Then it hit her that he was the guy that refused to take me home, not some long time friend checking up on me. She quickly blocked him when I confirmed his number. Freaking creep.

Because of that night, my trust for people has almost completely died. I stopped being so polite. If something doesn’t seem right to me I go with my gut. Only a few people knew this story. My mother doesn’t even know. I was ashamed. I knew better than to get in a strangers car but I did. I didn’t go to the police because I thought I’d be blamed for what happened. It took a long time for me to realize that it wasn’t my fault. I was a child at the mercy of a grown man, who knew better. I sometimes fear that he did the same thing to someone else, someone who gave in. I live with the guilt of wondering if I was his only victim or if I gave him the courage to do it again.  I guess I’ll never know.

It’s really hard for me to even think about what happened to me. I go through all the same emotions. It’s painful to relive. Someone thought it would be comforting to tell me at least I wasn’t raped. That’s like telling a hungry person at least you don’t live in Africa where people are starving. It was a horrifying experience nonetheless! Just talking about it takes a lot of courage.

I hope this story helps someone come forward with theirs. I hope it gives someone strength. I know things could have been worse for me but I’m still here. Never be too trusting. Never think that saying no to someone is disrespectful, especial if something doesn’t seem right. Don’t be ashamed. You could help someone else by speaking out, most importantly, you can help yourself. Talk to your kids about things like this –girls AND boys– so they can stay as safe as possible. It goes beyond saying don’t get in cars with strangers because I heard that all my life and still did it.

Be safe and like always ((HUGS & LOVE))

 

 

 

 

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