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The reality of my life as a single mother.

If any of you have read my posts in the past, you’ll know that I left a very bad relationship about 2 years ago. What I never updated you on was that I went back to my ex a year later. Long story short, I was living the exact same hell as before and then some. Surprised? I surely acted  like it was surprising.

So, four months ago I truly decided that I had had enough. I spent the day feeling miserable and down, wondering what kind of life I was living.  My ex’s family had flown up to LIVE with us just a week prior. From the moment they came, I could tell my ex was unhappy. So from him being OKAY and us being in a decent place at the time, the added stress of  having 3 more people in the house got to him. It showed in the way he treated me because as usual he never took his frustrations out on who caused it. And here I was feeling out of place, getting treated like I was a plague to his existence.

I snapped emotionally. I decided that I didn’t want to stay there any longer. I told him I wanted to leave and he told me no. Months before, he had implied that in order for me to leave, I’d have to be dead, so a part of me was afraid to go. He also had my debit card and refused to give it back to me because his money was on it ($19) and told me when I started working I could get it back. I made sure to call my sister in the middle of the drama so if anything happened, someone would know. After realizing that I was telling my sister everything that was happening, he snatched the phone from my ear and left the room.

Guys, there is so much that happened that night that I might just make a video about it. What ended up happening was I packed a weeks worth of clothes for the kids and I, got my cousin to pick us up, and left the apartment around 12am. He was so pissed; if looks could kill, I’d be dead.

There was constant fighting and back and forth after that. Then he’d pretend to be good and act like he was changing only to flip out when I said I was never going back to him. I felt nothing. Plus I had already told all my family members what really happened behind closed doors and if I even thought about going back to him, they wouldn’t let me hear the end of it.

Within a months time, I got a job. It felt like forever! I was blessed to get hired at a daycare so my kids could be there with me. I love my job and honestly the hardest part about it has been getting to and from work. I catch the bus at 7 am but I have to leave the house by 6:35 am in order to make it there in time. Sometimes, if I’m late, I have to carry my daughters the entire 20 minute walk. It might not seem like much but when it’s pitch black outside, you’re carrying around 68 lbs plus their backpacks, and you have to power walk, it’s tiring mentally and physically.

The afternoons aren’t any better. It takes me an hour to get home from work between the bus and walking. It’s a 13 minute drive! Then the sun is so hot some days, I want to pass out. And those are usually the afternoons where I carry my daughters in my arms because I know if I feel weak, hot, and tired then they do too.

It’s not easy. Sometimes I cry and pray and cry and pray because I don’t know what else to do. Each blessing comes with another challenge and I feel so burnt out. I am grateful for everything, it’s just hard trying to keep going when you feel like you have nothing left.

I can say that this experience has shown me that there is a serious need for assistance to help people who have been in my shoes. I hope that I can start some sort of charity to help people get on their feet especially with kids and little to no one to turn to.

The truth is, I’m better off now than I was two months ago. It’s all about progress. Yes, I struggle a lot but it’s only for a shot time. I hope to get a car, more than anything, so that my kids don’t have to go through this. One day!  By the way here’s a Video  of what outside looks like when I head to work.

As always ((HUGGS & LOVE)) and I plan to write more soon!

 

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The battle between stay at home moms and working moms.

I believe that most mothers know that there’s some type of unspoken war between moms who stay home with their kids all day and moms who, go out and work. You choose what you want to do depending on what’s best for you and your household. We all have our reasons but some women tend to judge the ones on the other side of the fence.

Selfish! You’re selfish if you leave your child in the care of someone else so you can work. You’re selfish if you don’t get a job to help contribute financially to your child’s upbringing. Take it easy ladies! Even though I’m a SAHM I still try to find work-from-home jobs, not because someone told me to but because I want to. I can understand why both sides make their decisions. I myself wanted both. I can’t judge another mother for doing what she felt she needed to do. If her kids are loved and well-taken cared of, that’s all that matters. MYOB! Lol

Besides being seen as the worse mother in the world, you can also be labled as lazy or a work-aholic that doesn’t love your kids. Listen, once again, different strokes for different folks. Wanting to be at home with your kids doesn’t mean you’re trying to run from working and working doesn’t mean you’re trying to run from your kids. I would love to have a job and make lots of MONEY but that’s not my reality. With two girls, child care would cost more than their monthly expenses in just one week; I’d be working to pay someone to take care of my kids because I’m working to pay them. Get it? Some people can afford that and still have money left over and then some to be able to help pay bills. I mean depending on how low or high your income is you can either get assistance or have enough money to pay for whatever without blinking an eye. It’s all about your life and your needs as a mother and family.

I thought that mothers supported and encouraged each other for the most part. Turns out that just like with any other thing, personal decisions on working or staying home can ruffle a lot of feathers. I was once oblivious to the tension such a topic could create. How can you, not knowing someones background, assume anything based on a mother that works or stays home?

I’d like to hear some thoughts on this. And like always, (Hugs and Love!)