So, I was scrolling through pictures on my phone and came across one where I had a full face of makeup on. Now, normally I don’t wear makeup, as I’ve stopped wearing it for sometime. I never had my entire face done, just eyeshadow, eyeliner, lipgloss/lipstick. The particular photo I’m talking about was taken after I made a video showing my lack of knowledge when it came to doing makeup. I know NOTHING. I just played around with makeup my sister had. She gave me some because she got a lot of free makeup at one point.
Okay, above is my attempt at doing a full face for the first time. I had fun, that’s all I have to say. Lol. Now, to the point. I looked at this picture and saw my obvious nose contour. I don’t care for contouring; I simply did it because that’s what I see in tutorials. I personally think it’s a way of creating insecurities. As you can see my nose is large and in charge and I’m quite happy with it.
Coming to that realization that I’m okay with a large nose made me think of a time when I wasn’t. If you’ve read any of my previous post, you might have come across Having a baby changed how I look at my body. I talked about not feeling good about how skinny I looked. With both my body and the size of my nose, it was people’s opinions of me that caused these insecurities. I thought I was fine, perfect even, until people started pointing out what they deemed to be wrong with my appearance.
I am black but my father is from Puerto Rico and in his bloodline is Taino Indian, European looking hispanics( my grandfather and his family) and black hispanics. My mother is a black woman and I have black features. I have a large nose like many black people do. When I was in elementary school it was rough because my father looked like a dark Caribbean Indian and I looked black. That alone is a topic unto itself. When I got to junior high, kids were telling me how big my nose was. I found myself looking in the mirror wishing it was smaller. I even began pinching my nose and the bone everyday trying to make it smaller.
This kind of resentfulness of myself and even my mother, who also has a large nose, was brought on by the constant bashing I was receiving. There was a boy in junior high who would squeeze my nose and go “bomp bomp” as if to mimic a boat horn. His friend joined in on the fun and starting doing it too. They did it infont of the whole class and I would dread going to last period because of it. I found out later that the guy had a crush on me. Oh what a way to show it!
Even when noone was saying anything about my nose, I was still judging myself. This was all around the time of developing physically and having crushes and trying to figure myself out. I had a big nose and it was terrible. Noone was ever going to like me. I was pretty for a girl with a large nose. Those were my thoughts.
I can’t tell you when I came to accept my nose. I just know as I contoured it, I felt uncomfortable…like a fraud. I had no problem with my nose and essentially hiding it felt wrong. I have nothing against makeup but I feel it’s a cover and it can prevent us from liking what we look like without it. Having small nose, wide eyes, and cheeks that look like you’ve been starving is considered “Beautiful.” I have a hard time with that. Being someone who worked hard to love themselves, I can’t accept society’s example of pretty.
It’s hard to love yourself sometimes, isn’t it? With social media and whats on tv, you might feel like you’re not good enough. For goodness sake, I’ve seen 11 year-olds doing makeup tutorials. Like self image wasn’t hard enough to deal with in my youth, now it’s a whole different ball game.
I have two girls that I need to make sure love themselves despite what the world or cruel classmates say. I have to make sure that they love themselves and won’t be the kids teasing other children because they feel like crap. I stress out just thinking about and not because I think they won’t love themselves but because I don’t know what craziness will be “In” a couple years from now. Both of my girls are only one but I make sure I let them know they are beautiful and the older of the two girls(22 months or I like to say ONE lol) goes around telling everyone they’re “Pree-T”. I think I’m off to a good start.
I can look at myself now and think I am GORGEOUS! Not for a skinny girl or for a black girl or for a girl with a big nose. I feel damn good about myself because I am beautiful with no strings attatched. I don’t compare myself to anyone because I am good enough. My nose is cute and hiding it is not an option.
I talk about self image a lot because it was a struggle for many years to really love all of me. You’d be surpriesd that even people you think look amazing, also have insecurities. That’s why it’s so impartant not to think someone else is perfect and you are less-than. Love yourself!!!
Tell me what were your insecurites and how you overcame them or how you’re dealing with them. Better yet, also let me know what you love about yourself as a whole!
Like always guys (Hugs and Love!!)