via Daily Prompt: Pattern This prompt couldn’t have come at a better time. Why? Because I’ve lived a life of repeating the same nonsense over and over, and I declared yesterday that I was done with it!
What I’m referring to is the magical word “LOVE.” In relationships, I’ve managed to end up with the same bloody guys just with a different name and face. In my defense, they didn’t seem like douches at first. Regardless, somehow I created a pattern of finding men that were complete jerks.
I am nowhere near petfect but I’ve been faithful in every relationship and committed. I can’t say the same for my ex boyfriends. I came to the conclusion that it just had to be a problem with me…right?
Picking these guys wasn’t the end of the pattern I made. No sir! I made a habit of giving a million chances to each one even though they cheated, humilated, and disrespected me. Oh you’ve only played me 99 times, this time I’m sure you’ll change. Honestly, I think that was I thought.
I took crappy boyfriends back constantly throughout the years. I hated the idea of starting over. It was easier to stay with jerk-of-the-year than risk moving on and possibly finding a new jerk when I could’ve just stayed with the jerk I already had. Great logic, I know!
Needless to say I ened up with new jerks everytime. Sadly, as high of stardards I had, I would lower them in order to not lose these men that were as bad for me as Halloween candy is for a person with diabetes. They were literally killing me off emotionally and still I couldn’t get out of that hamster wheel.
Like I’ve said in other post, becoming a mom changed a lot. That includes the crap that I won’t put up with. Yesterday I sat, cried, and thought “I can’t keep doing this.” The pattern that I was so comfortable with had shown up in my thoughts and caused a wide range of emotions. It’s heartbreaking because if I veiw this as if it was someone else, I’d feel bad for that person. I’d want to hug them and tell them they needed to STOP putting themselves in such situations. I couldn’t tell you why when I put back on my own shoes I was suddenly not that confident.
It’s a process. You must know your worth, love yourself, and stick to your standards or you won’t end the cycle. I ended the pattern but I always had a fear that whenever I was ready to enter another relationship, it would be the same thing. After being in such deep thought yesterday I know I won’t end up repeating history again. Not ever!
Let me know what patterns you’ve created, good or bad. How has it affected your life?
(Hugs and Love!!!)