Being a mother is great……it’s great but as I rock my baby girl to sleep I wonder how my brain is even working. It’s currently 2:12am……AM!!! That wouldn’t be bad if I hadn’t spent the last 4 or so hours trying to put my baby to bed. I know giving up sleep was a parent requirement but man, I starting drifting off before she did; was I rocking her to sleep or myself? I must say I’m really good at putting myself to bed. Putting my daughter to sleep on the other hand is a complete failure.
Success!!!! As a write this second paragraph my baby girl seems to be in dream land. *Pats self on back* It only took over a dozen tries. She had been up since 10am yesterday morning and only slept 10 minutes in that entire time period. Running on empty but she refused to give in to the one thing I cherish more than my kids……SLEEP! Oh beautiful sleep. With bright pink cheeks and red color eyeballs where the white should’ve been, she played and giggled and fussed and cried. If she only knew there are nights when I want to cry with her.
Maybe it’s my fault because I stopped her schedule and everyday is more like a freestyle than a well choreographed musical number. This is her most-every night. I don’t work but I also have her older sister to take care of and I feel guilty when someone else deals with her while I sleep in. My body begs for sleep all the time. I’m like a walking zombie…..walking dead. Ha!
Sleep is just so hard to come by. She wakes up like sleeping beauty and I wake up like …..like I don’t even know what. I say again it’s my fault. Her sister was on a schedule and it worked! Then again her sister wasn’t breastfeed and super alert like she is. She acts like she might miss out on some great achievement if she sleeps. I’m not cranky or mad, I just feel drained. Like someone is sucking energy out of my body parts and when i finally rest I’m like a log.
I’m kind of use to the lack of sleep thanks to peeing every minute during pregnacy and taking care of her big sister BUT this is different. It’s one thing to wake up, go to sleep, and repeat couple times a night but noooooo sleep for hours is pretty hard. She has only fallen asleep on her own maybe four timed in her six months of life and that’s just recently. I refuse to give her anything to make her sleep but I wish I could get something to enhance my sleeping experience. Like a pill call “wonder-sleep” that leaves me feeling well rested even if it’s only been two hours.
Listen! Even though she is out like a light I’ve mastered the earth if breath-whispering. Yes! You read right. I think she can hear me breathing a mile away so I have managed to learn how to put it on silent without dying. Lol! Moments like these where I can sneak a blog entire ,like I use to sneak-eat snacks so I didn’t have to share, are awesome. It’s so weird how different your life becomes after becoming a parent. Sleep now has become a privilege not a right.
As I watch her sleep I think “man is she cute” and fight the urge to wake her. I think many parents do that; hope their babies go to bed then can’t wait until they wake up. We have serious problems apparently. Lol! I hope she has sweet dreams and enjoys her sleep for the both of us because there’s no sleep for mommy.